Girl, You Need to Hear Your Own Voice

Women sometimes do not achieve goals because they are goals set by someone else. Oh, perhaps not blatantly. No one walked up to you in the street and said: "I want you to go be a nurse, computer programmer, secretary, attorney, etc.." But there is enormous pressure in North American business life today to always be the next Mary Barra or the next Oprah.

Often, that type of pressure does not come from within—or at least, if it does, it is not speaking with your pure voice. One of the reasons women remain trapped in a life that does not align with who we are is because we are afraid we will let the people we love the most down.

Are you doing everything your heart desires, or are you only doing what others want you to do? Whose voice do you hear when you decide on big or small goals? In this way, consider where these goals are coming from – or who.

• Your mother's voice
• Your father's voice
• Your teacher's voice
• Your coach's voice
• Your boyfriend's voice
• Your husband's voice
• A chorus (popular magazine topics; forum opinions; blogs you read, etc.)

When this is the case, it could mean that you live others' dreams instead of yours. Besides God's, the only voice you should listen to is your own.

So make sure, when you choose a coach or mentor, that you are both on board with your primary goal. Get to know who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go, how you want to feel, and what kind of relationships and experiences you want in your life.

"But what if I am doing it for someone else?" you say. "What if my big goal is not a fun one but is necessary? For example, I have a husband with cancer, and I need to raise funds for his treatment?" This is not the same thing as listening to someone else for your dreams or making life decisions.

That is a tough one—and it happens in life. But you can still stay true to yourself and your abilities, even if you have to achieve far more than you wanted to, income-wise. Suppose you do not take care of yourself. In that case, you will burn out: Maybe later, rather than sooner—especially if some external cause that you deeply care about is driving you—but doing things we are not suited for or feel we can not do can burn us out completely, sooner or later.

So do your best to bring fun and fulfillment into your personal and professional life, even if you are pushing yourself beyond your natural limits out of dire necessity. Make it your quest to find out how you can make running your life feel like your choice again, rather than a soul-killing necessity.

It is hard to take on a challenging new venture. This means that you know what brought you to where you are now and the courage to change it. It is tough to build good habits and work past resistance. And it is difficult to break out of who you were and become the woman you have always known you can be. But, when you do not have a plan for your life, you will be a part of someone else's dream.

Setting SMART goals is a good way to plan the steps to meet your long-term goals. It helps you take you from ideas to action. Setting SMART goals keeps you moving forward, helps with accountability and timing, and lets you know that you are accomplishing what you set out to.

SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
• Specific – Objective clearly states, so anyone reading it can understand, what will be done and who will do it.
• Measurable – Objective includes how the action will be measured. Measuring your objectives helps you determine if you are making progress. It keeps you on track and on schedule.
• Achievable – Objective is realistic given the realities faced in the community. Setting reasonable objectives helps set the project up for success
• Relevant – A relevant objective makes sense, that is, it fits the purpose of the grant, it fits the culture and structure of the community, and it addresses the vision of the project.
• Time-bound – Every objective has a specific timeline for completion.

If you have found yourself in someone else's story, it is time to re-write it. Learn to be confident of your abilities and try hard to turn your dreams into reality. And do not be afraid to make a radical switch if you realize you are driving up a dead-end street. There is a beautiful freedom in letting go of the expectations of others and living in alignment with who you are.