The Unusual Role of Ego in Independence

Your ego considers independence very important. And your ego has a precise definition of independence - doing things your way without help from anyone else and liking it. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you consider it, the way ego wants things done is rarely how things happen in real life.

But that does not prevent the ego from rearing its ugly head and causing many problems.

When you meet someone who sparks your desire and heart, your ego feels incredibly threatened. After all, this would not feel so good if you were complete and whole on your own, right? So, ego puts up a fight when things are going great and lies to you about why you are feeling so happy.

Maybe it shows you that you are weak if you depend on someone this much. Or it means that if you were truly independent, you would not need the company of another. You might begin believing that you are codependent when really, you are just in love!

The ego has many tricks up its sleeve for keeping things exactly the way they want them.

Because as far as ego is concerned, you were doing just fine before you fell in love. Then, maybe unexpected, there is another person involved. And ego will attempt to convince you that you need to pull away, set boundaries, see faults that do not exist, and tone down your feelings instead of celebrating them!

When the ego senses dependency on another, it can react inappropriately, even violently. For this reason, a woman will push their romantic interest away after days, weeks, or even years of having fun and getting closer. It is why we tend to run away from relationships and even superficial friendships.

Our ego wants none of ourselves to belong to or rely on anyone else.

Once you experience pain from someone who has reacted this way, it is easy to believe the way to go is complete independence. For these reasons, many women search for something they call “healthy independence”, but they do not know what that is or what it looks like for them.

They distance themselves from other humans and try to remain aloof and unattached. This brings great spiritual and emotional pain, as God did not create us alone and lonely.

The key to ego and independence is to realize that the ego may have an ulterior motive and keep reminding yourself that we need each other to survive.