Why Some Women Actually Fear Complete Independence

When we are little girls, it seems all we can think about is growing up and becoming independent adults—being independent means being in charge of your own life and making your own decisions. But as you grow, you might tend to become a bit fearful of becoming an adult. These fears are common, and nearly everyone has felt them at some time or another in their lives.

There are five aspects of this fear of adulthood and independence.

1. You are breaking away from parents and other relationships that have been comforting and secure. You may feel that things have changed and can never go back to the way things were. This is a normal and healthy change as you build your own identity as an adult and decide where your life leads. New relationships will form as you find people you have things in common with, and old relationships may fall away as you move in a new and different direction.
2. The experience of leaving childhood comfort is a powerful pull to stick with the “fantasy” over the reality for some women. Sometimes, the inability to face reality creates mental health issues and addictive habits. They tend to be long-lasting negative habits that are easy to fall into and difficult to escape.
3. Feeling lonely is threatening to most people. We are never taught to be happy being alone, creating relationship issues. Once you are satisfied with yourself and have the skills to live and thrive by relying on yourself, it makes a much stronger personality, and there is no threat seen in being alone. This is a sign of healthy self-esteem.
4. A great fear of adult responsibilities for yourself and others can result in dependency issues, especially if your needs were not met as you were growing up. You may feel that you cannot complete your own needs, let alone another person’s needs. If you think of this incapability, you tend to rely on others for direction and support instead of searching internally for these things.
5. Fears of mortality as you grow and see your parents and other comfort figures dealing with illness and death. You are intensely aware of the passage of time, and this is a constant reminder of your mortality and the reality that you, too, will someday die.

Most women will attempt to avoid becoming fully functional adults to avoid dealing with those issues that become painful as growth occurs, such as not receiving the love needed as you grew up. Countless women have no idea they are even actively avoiding becoming independent. This happens subconsciously, and the conscious mind bears it out in action.

So, knowing and loving yourself is the first step towards independence. To do that effectively, you need to understand who you are. Numerous stressors challenge our fear of independence, whether the pressure and responsibilities of ordinary life, job-related demands, or pandemic-created conditions. However, feeling capable of managing your own life is very empowering.

As a woman, you may feel like you have to work a little bit harder to be genuinely independent.

Actions you can take to become a more independent woman:

• Be gentle to yourself during times of stress or unhappiness.
• Do not be fearful to ask for and accept help when you need it.
• Learn to acknowledge your emotions.
• Speak up if you sense that you are not respected.
• Think positively.
• Try being more assertive in your relationships.
• Understand what you can and cannot control.

Complete independence means taking care of yourself, both emotionally and physically. Making essential decisions on your own is a fundamental component of being an independent woman. You are the only person who can fundamentally adjust your life. Recognize that you are in command for making your choices. Once you understand that you are in control, you will feel more confident. But remember – being independent does not mean you cannot lean on others when you need to. It just means that it is your choice.